


How the betas spent the holidays

by Caffine_Major



Series: School Kinda Sucks [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, I never new how many holidays there were until I wrote this, I'm Sorry, Juice - Freeform, Like a thousand people, M/M, May be a bit of Aradia (I know right? I love her and wish I could write her more), So many Holidays, So many ships, We get them Vantas fam game going, What Have I Done, Wow, how do you tag, many ships, maybe I'll learn how to tag, much love, probably trash, sea horse dad, thanksgivings gonna be great, valentines day isn't romantic at all but it's like three parts long, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 10:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13339047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffine_Major/pseuds/Caffine_Major
Summary: A "sequel" (or bonus scenes) to my first fix "I Can't Believe This Guys Height" about how the gang spent the holidays. Part of the  college kinda sucks series.





	1. The Halloween party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Sollux Captor and you've been invited to get another party.

Your name is Sollux Captor and after you had a (low-key) wet dream about your roommate, Eridan Ampora, October had been basically as boring as watching beige paint dry. Till about a week before Halloween when you were violently woken up by Eridan. You ended up being literally dragged out of bed (he's so small yet kinda strong) you glare up at him and groggily mumble

"ED why the fuck did you wake me up?" he looks at you like it's  _the_ most obvious thing.

"Because I wwant to go Hallowween shoppin' wwith you. Fef inwited us to a party and told eweryone to dress up with either their roommate or partner. As a pair." That sounds like something she'd do from what Eridans told you. "So I wwanna go shoppin'. Wwhat should we go as?" 

"You know that one thuper hero duo with the beeth? Let'th do that. It'll be cute. Dibth on being  _The thinger_ you could be hun-hun. She'th pretty cute if you're fine with drething up ath a girl that ith." He looks down his nose at you suspicious of your idea. Then he thinks on it for a minute and lights up.

"That sounds fun! Wwe should go as them!" 

"Okay it might be hard to find a menth verthion of hun-hunth outfit. What with the tutu..." and suddenly he's shaking his head and hands. 

"No! I mean...its fine easier to just find the wwomens wersion of it..." thats odd, no one else you know would be willing to wear anything like huns outifut; a yellow long sleeve top, black tutu, knee high socks and even the boots were very........effeminate. 

"Okay..that'th fine. It should be cheaper too. Let me jutht get drethed tho we can go to the mall. Go eat thomething." He nods, walks out and as soon as that doors composed you're imagining what he'd look like in the costume. You'd look great in the black and yellow striped jumpsuit, large wings, antenna, and low boots (You looked good in basically everything). Eridan was bound look good in Huns outfit, despite it was probably made for people with boobs. You come out of the room and find Eridan bouncing on the couch. He seems excited about going costume shopping.

"Okay ED leth go to the mall."

"Finally you wwere taking  _forewer,_ let' go!"

* * *

After looking around at the mall a bit, you guys managed to find the costumes. It took longer to find an extra small for Eridan than you thought it would, but less than finding an extra extra small. Eridan had paid for both costumes, which was nice seeing as you have no fucking money. Though by the time you guys get out of the mall it's too dark to be walking.

"Okay ED we gotta take the buth home, it'th too dark out."

"Wwhat? NO! I'we newer been on the bus before and I don't wwanna!"

"Dude if we don't get in the buth we're going to get mugged. And thlath or murdered," that seems to terrifie him "Tho we're taking the buth"

"Fine." It's not fine and you can tell, he's all pouty about it. You (eventually) find a bus and get on though it's crowded and you both have to stand and hold those things on the roof. There's only one problem though, Eridan can't reach it.

"I can't reach Sol! Wwhat do I do there's no wwhere to sit."

"You can't hold the bar? Then jutht hold me. Thimple." wait....what. No. It's to late now though, he's clutching you. Arm around your waist, cheek in your rib cage. Oh god. He'd looking up at you too, and every time you look down he squeezes you a little tighter. It takes three stops to get back to campus, and when you do you're very relieved to be off the bus and a bit farther from Eridan. He pratically drags you back to the dorm, going on and on about how cool your both going to look. Sure dude.

"Okay wwe're back noww let's try on the costumes!" God he's excited. He runs off and you follow, then decide against it and plop down on the couch. After a few minutes Eridan comes out in the costume "So," he does a quick turn "howw do I look?" 

"You look fine, let me try on mine." that's a lie he looks more than just fine. He looks...and dare you say this......sexy. You just tug on the weird striped jumpsuit and wings. You look in the mirror in the hall (it's too low for you but to high for Eridan, that children is compromise) to tie on the mask and adjust the antenna. You flash yourself a smile and some finger guns, lookin fine. "Tho what'd ya think?" you do a quick turn and hold your arms out. 

"You look.." he pauses thinking "so..." now he's just being dramatic "COOL" HOLY SHIT HE LEGIT HAS SPARKLES IN HIS EYES HOW THE FUCK? THE FUCK KINDA ANIME SHIT IS THIS? 

"Thankth man. My hair works with the outfit but you'll have to wear the wig for Hunth cothtume for the party or no one'll get it"

"Oh that's fine. I don't really care about any a' that" now you wait a week.

* * *

You show up at the party and, once again, Jade has everyone tell everyone else what their costumes are.

"So me and Karkles are dressed as that one hero duo. I'm soundcheck, and he's Beat." you've seen that cartoon, Soundcheck was a hero who spit fire so hot it could actually hurt people, and Beat was always providing a beat in the background, fuel for those sick fires. "Mainly because my roommates a bird, and Karkle's roommate is dressed up with my brother." they honestly look good together. 

"While we're on the topic dirk and I are dressed like Indiana Jones" Jake gestures to Dirk for this."And me as Remy Baudouin." confused murmurs arise from everyone because no one gets this "From young Indiana Jones? Belgium? When they were sixteen? His best friend? Whatever."

"That's fine Bro. Okay John your turn!" Jade offers sympathetic pats on the shoulder and points at John.

"Oh! You should all no who we are!" The kids beaming, so happy to be dressed up with his girlfriend. He pulls Vriska closer at her waist, and she smiles a bit.

"Just tell us John!" Jade has no time for this nonsense.

"Fine Vriska's spider girl and I'm Wes Westin." oh they're actually a couple costume that isn't bullshit, although not much has changed with John: He's changed clothes and hair, taken of his glasses, and put in contacts. You'd never noticed how much he looked like that character.

"Cool!" Jade gives a thumbs up and points at Rose "Your turn!"

"Well we're dressed as some of the characters in The Heinous Circus. I'm Raspy and she's Krub." you've never heard of it but rose seems to be dressed as a nurse with thorned (is that even a word) vines for arms and a stitched open cat smile, her hair wild and pink (a wig duh) with flowers coming out of bloodied wounds. Kanaya looks just as terrifying dressed in dress, with boots (leggings?) made to look like insect legs, a pair of matching gloves and fake arms, mandibles, black contacts, and a pair of large wings. She smiles and you get chills. "Pretty neat huh?"

"Y-yeah..."Jade looks both scared and lost "Well I guess I'm next!" You'd been wondering what Jade was: she was wearing a dog head (plastic) and a mermaid tail "I'm a Dogfish!" god dammit "And Feferi's an octopus!" She sweeps her arm out toward Fef, who appears to be wearing a pink skirt made of tentacles, a crop-top, and a wig made of tentacles that matches. Simple and easy to notice. "Your turn Tavros!"

"Oh um....I'm...snow white and Gamzee's...prince charming." you can tell, Tav's dressed similarly although he's wearing a pair of blue pants instead of a skirt. Gamzee's was obvious, although his crown was barely see-able in his hair. Cute.

"Nepeta! What are you and Equius?"

"Well Equi-hiss and I aren't dressed together. I'm a feral cat and Equius is the grim reaper!" those are the most fitting costumes for two people ever. 

"That leaves...Sollux! What are you dressed as?"

"Oh me? I'm drethed ath that one thuper hero: Thinger"

"Nice dude, but where's Ampora?" Dave's trying to wrap his arm around Karkat but it only ends up being swatted away.

"What do you mean? He'th right here." you gesture to Eridan and realize something. He's wearing a tutu, and thigh high socks held up by a garter-belt. And knee high boots. And a wig styled to look like to bee hives pointed at the sides. 

"Wait? What?" Most people seem shocked that Eridan's dressed like this but then there's Feferi squealing.

"OH MY COD! Eridan you look so cute! Why didn't you tell me a-boat this! I could a helped you out! Cod Eridan you never tell me anything anemore!"

"Is this normal for him?" Dave sounds so confused, god that's funny.

"Whale.....when we were little kids Eridan was _crazy_ about wearing" she puts up her fingers and quotes "'girls' clothes. I used to help him do his hair. He was soooo cute! He stopped a while ago." she whispers the last part "mainly because of his Dad." she mimes throwing up here. 

"Okay.....so you got stuck being" Dave chokes through the last word " _Hun Hun_ " 

"No, Sollux wwanted to be The stinger and I wwas okay wwith being Hun. I don't see anything wwrong wwith it."

"Nah bro it's cool." you can tell he's not lying.

"Okay so while you kids get drunk off apple bobbing, I'll be making out with my boyfriend." God dammit Dirk everyone was having a moment.

* * *

You spent the rest of the night drinking (not a lot), eating candy, and just talking. The only downside you had to walk home with a drunk Eridan Ampora dressed as a super hero you had a crush on as a kid. It involves lots of him tugging your sleeves until you give in and carry him home like a princess. You even kick open the door (after unlocking and opening it a bit) when you get home. 

"Tho we jutht going to bed now?" he looks at you like you're insane.

"Sol wwe've knowwn each other for a month." this little shit.

"And you've already thlept in the thame bed ath me. I'm tired and don't wanna lithten to you changing while I try to thleep." 

"Then help me change." oh god...this fucker..."No really I'll need help, it took me _forewer_ to get ready and it'll take _forewer_ to change out of it. So just help me." instead you pick his tutu-ed ass up and carry him into the room, dumping him on the bed....OH NO HE'S HOT (you're hilarious). Honestly though he looks good. Oh god pubescent Sollux is dragging himself out of cringe hell. NO NO NO NOT RIGHT NOW. "Sol...." your panicked thoughts are interrupted by Eridan grabbing your shirt collar and pulling you down "Come to bed." this is worse. So so much worse. This is the second time you've ended up in bed with a drunk Eridan Ampora with a boner and that is two times too many frankly! 

"Ed...that tutu ith really thcratchy and thith ith uncomfortable." instead of leaving like you'ed hoped, he simply wiggles around a bit (god not helping). You're fairly confused until you hear a soft sound, something hitting the floor. And you're scared that it wasn't Eridan. Your fears are confirmed when he snuggles closer to you and you no longer feel the thick, scratchy fabric of the tutu. You try very hard to remember what was under the tutu through your drunk stupor, and when you remember you are both scared and turned on which is the weirdest feeling. Under the tutu there's a pair of boy-shorts (and some stuff under that but that's not important), and some thigh high yellow socks held up by a garter-belt.........fuck. 

"Also fuck this wwig." another soft sound and you know it's on the floor. Fuck x2 combo. It'd be easy to tell yourself that kissing Hun wouldn't even be that nice, but you're like eighty percent sure it'd be amazing to kiss Eridan. Then you went blind. God fucking...why the hell did he turn on the light? "Sol....you're hogging all the blankets!"

"Why'd you turn on the light?" you turn and immediately regret it. He's just sitting there frog legged. God he's cute (Note to self: get over this).

"Cause I wwant some of the blanket." he's a lot more whiny when he's drunk. "Giwe it." his accent is stronger than normal too. Still cute. 

"Here" you toss some of the blanket over him and try to sleep. Until Eridan decides that now is the perfect time to be the little spoon and grind into you. That asshole. Needless to say you barely sleep and have to explain to him why he was dressed that way, why he was in your bed, and what happened last night (excluding a few minor details).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy how the gang spent Halloween just as much as I did.


	2. Dia de los Muertos with the Makaras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros learns a bit about Gamzees favorite holiday.

Your name is Tavros Nitram and you've come home to a pair of strangers, and you're scared. You don't know who these people are but they look weird. The two boys are sitting in front of each other on the couch holding jars of white paint, one of them's dressed as a goddamn skeleton. You know exactly what to do if you see something scary in the dorm: call Gamzee! Or you would if the two people on your couch weren't looking at you. One of them (the one with the shorter hair) stands up and stumbles over to you, he's very....tall....half his face is painted to look like a skull and....oh god he's hugging you. 

"Tavbro you're back! How was your day? Cause mine was just bitchin'!" wait....you know this voice, raspy and slow...

"Gamzee?" then who the frick frack cracka lacks the dude on your couch? 

"Who else would I motherfuckin' be?" he sounds confused...or more so than usual. "You know what day today is right?" you shake your head "Oh.....sorry man I didn't tell you what was going on today. Come on sit down on the couch." you follow Gamzee to the couch and to the random boy dressed like a skeleton. 

"Um...before you say anything I have a question..."

"What is it?" 

"Who the heckity heck is that?" you point at skele-boy, who instantly looks offended and starts moving his hands in what you think is sign language. 

"Oh I forgot to tell him about you, sorry Kurloz." he turns back to you clearly ignoring this "Kurloz" "This is my older brother he's gonna be crashing with us for a few days. I probably shoulda told you huh?" 

"Y-yeah Gamzee. Then I wouldn't have thought you w-were two insane people...It's nice to meet you Kurloz." you shake hands and he smiles, which you take to mean as 'nice to meet you too', you can see the family resemblance between him and Gamzee: the same insanely curly hair, the same nose, the only difference is that Kurloz seems more focused. "Why's K-Kurloz gonna be staying with us?" 

"Well it's just because of the singular greatest motherfucking holiday: Dia de los Murertos!" 

"O-okay....what the flip is that?" he seems surprised you don't know.

"The day of the dead? Not the most important holiday but my favorite. It's supposed to be like a celebration of our departed brothers and sisters."

"Okay and what else do you do? I just want to know..." he lights up a bit.

"Well we paint our faces, paint sugar skulls with frosting, and set up the ofrenda! It's just an alter with pictures of dead family members, their favorite foods, and other things they cared about." He gestures to a small table against the wall decorated with picture of people you don't know. The ones closer to the top are in black and white while a few near the bottom are in color. "We have to skip out on the food this year though," he looks kinda sad about this "because our kitchen is too fucking small." He means the hotplate. 

"Oh..but I'm sure your family will be find, ghosts don't need to eat."

"I know tavbro it's just that it keeps them from being forgotten"

"Okay..and...um why's Kurloz here?"

"Probably because Dad didn't want him to go home, I couldn't because of school, and Cabra vieja told him too."

"Gamzee are you high right now? Because I'm pretty sure an old goat didn't tell your brother to visit you." You've been helping him with his problem, and he's cut down but he still gets high sometimes. At least he's stopped taking harder stuff, and opted to call you and just talk about whatever.

"No man today's too important. I don't wanna ruin it. That's our nickname for the guy who took care of us when dad was busy." You keep forgetting that Gamzees parents are rich, you don't know what they do but it takes in the money, and takes up all their time.

"So your nanny told Kurloz to visit you?" He nods "if you don't mind me asking....why doesn't your dad like Kurloz?" as a response he grabs Kurlozs phone and shows you it. It's two men arguing violently, at the bottom of the screen there are Spanish subtitles. 

"Because my bro spends more time watching Tele novellas than studying." The Makaras are weird, Gamzee gets high instead of studying (used to), but the reason his dad doesn't like Kurloz is because he watches soap operas instead of studying. Kurloz seems to be fairly upset about missing the action on the show. "Nah bro you'll get it back in a minute." Kurloz gives a reluctant thumbs up and....wait....he can hear? Why the heck does he use sign language? He gets up to do something.....he better not touch your shit. You take the opportunity to ask Gamzee.

"H-hey Gamzs?"

"Yeah bro?"

"Can Kurloz...um...you know...." he doesn't "can your brother hear?" 

"Well yeah he can, he wasn't lookin' at my face or anything when I told him he couldn't get back this little box of miracles." you know what's a miracle? Him getting accepted into this school. Dude doesn't even know how phones work. "He just can't talk. Mute. Never a mother fuckin' sound outa him." this raises so many questions. "Which is really convenient cause his girlfriend can't hear." how the hell......what? You are very confused. 

"So...um....who's on the..uh...alter?"

"Oh you mean the ofrenda? Well..." the two of you go over and he starts pointing at pictures "The first one's my Mom's grandma." he points to a small portrait of a women with large eyes, and her hair pulled up into a tight bun. "Then this ones her uncle" he moves on to a man with a bad mustache, and large watery eyes. "Over here you have my Dad's mom. Abuela was fuckin' cool" this one's a newer photo of a women holding a baby, she has Gamzee's nose, and even the same hair. You guess the babie's his Dad. "And this is...my little cousin. Marco." this is the most recent photo: a boy, a middle schooler you think, with a sad smile. He looks fragile and small, something you didn't know the Makaras could be. "He was only ten. Some motherfuckin' drunk hit him. Didn't even stop the fuckin' car either." Gamzee doesn't look sad, but instead angry. You'd be angry too if someone you cared about was run over, and the driver didn't even stop. You don't know what he wants, so you awkwardly pat him on the arm.

"I'm sorry Gamzee." he goes back to his normal hazy smile.

"Nah it's okay, he was always real sick. All the pain's over now. And the guy who hit him went to jail. Where he mother fuckin' belongs." you spend the rest of the day looking at pictures of Gamzee's family. It's nice. He even paints you face for you, although the paint is a bit oily. Kurloz tries to make tamales for you guys but somehow almost burns the dorm down. Otherwise it's a fun few days and you even learned a bit about Gamzee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what the hell I did but it's good? Also for all those interested I headcanon human Gamzee as being Mexican, while Tavros is Spanish.


	3. A day of books and tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Rose Lalonde and you are doing absolutely nothing today...except talking to your girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been really excited to write something from Rose's p.o.v., and when I found out about Book Lovers day I had a reason to write it!

Your name is Rose Lalonde today is the first Saturday of November otherwise known as Book Lovers day. Although it can be argued that it's on August ninth. As a compromise you celebrate both by sitting indoors, drinking tea, and reading books. This year though you are spending it with your girlfriend (of several years), Kanaya Maryam, a tall tan girl whom you love dearly. You two have been cuddling on the love-seat in your couch, sipping tea and reading for the majority of the day. It's been sweet. And you've started discussing your books together.

"All I'm saying Rose is that _my_ novel is _just_ as reputable as yours is." you've been arguing about this for a bit.

"And all I'm saying is that although your novel is just as reputable as mine is, yours is simply not as good." It is simply one of many small pitfalls in dating someone who's opinions are just as strong as your own. "And before you start, I do get that much of the book is satirical but it would be better if it's _satire was well written_. I mean _every_ young adult vampire novel uses the trope of vampires being _inhumanly_ gorgeous, and while yours shows a downside to all things that are pushing the vampires to be better than our _entire species,_ to the point that it ruins the fantasy of being in love with a vampire." you've been trying to explain this to her for several minutes, her book is good, but it's just  _too_ bad. You wish you could see what she sees in it, but you simply can't. 

"Well at least my novel isn't just pointlessly driven by pointless gore, petty relationships, and meaningless horror." she didn't! The book is bad but it gets better. And she god well knows this.

"Kanaya this book is bad at the beginning but you goddamn know it gets better as the author learns with the audience!" you continue to argue for a while, neither of you backs down and you both end up agreeing to disagree and read something else. After a while Kanaya rests her head on your shoulder reading, she points at one of the characters names.

"Who are they?" 

"That's Shelly. She's the main character. Her life she's felt unloved which drives her to attempt suicide, which is actually the opening scene of the book. It's beautifully written to the point where the reader feels like it's a metaphor for something but it really isn't, She ends up dying and discovering that she can't stay dead, she retains the scars though around her neck though. She spends the entirety of the book making up reasons to cover neck, it's a running gag. She meets up with a group of people like her: incapable of death although they all find out in different ways."

"Like this one? Seraph?" 

"Yes in fact Seraph's the first one she meets. He dies in a car crash and wakes up at home with his legs incredibly flexible, apparently he completely shattered them during the crash resulting with him dying from blood loss. He's quite shy though and spends most of the book hiding, until he finds out he can do the splits. It's never useful but it boosts his confidence." you continue describing the book so far and even reading out loud.

"What's his deal?" she points at on of the longer names in the book "He comes up a lot."

"Oh? Bartholomew? He's the last to join the team, his is special everyone elses deaths were caused by things that were very specific to them, he was murdered a shot multiple times in the chest. His chest is _literally_ covered with holes, giving him the power of having a controllable heart beat. He doesn't even need it beating to live he just chooses to keep it going. He's one of my favorite characters! Do you wish to know why?" she nods a bit and you can feel her chin bumping you "Well it's simply because he's so.....good. He reminds me of you in a way: he's strong, confident, stubborn, caring," You turn your head to the side and kiss her nose. "And very easy to love." This is one of the most honest things you've ever said, but you did choose to omit the fact that he's very easy to pair up with characters. 

"Sounds like you as well." she returns your kiss and you must admit this has been one of your favorite Book lover days since you discovered it, for obvious reasons. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing this for any holiday that I feel a character would like, not just major ones. Also (although unimportant) I headcanon human Kanaya as being Transylvanian (I know weird) and/or something else on her Mother's side.


	4. A day no one in America fuckin' celebrates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Dirk Strider and holy shit your boyfriend is insane. He's been going off about making a bonfire for the past week and you're finally asking why.

Your name is Dirk Strider and you swear to everyone of your cousins weird occult gods that your boyfriend has lost it. All week he's been fucking raving about wanting to make a bonfire and set off fire works. He won't shut up no matter how much you remind him of a few things stopping him including (but not limited too):

  * "You can't legally get the kind of fire works you want Jake" said on the couch in your apartment (life on campus seems convenient if not annoying)
  * "I'm pretty sure that the dean will be really pissed of if you burn down his school for some dumb marshmallows." said while you were in the shower and he _fuckin' tore open_ the goddamn curtain to ask if you'd help him start the bonfire.
  * "Really now? Of all times? I'm not making you illegal fireworks Jake." said while _making out_. Kid has the worst priorities.



 You've been asking him why he's so excited but he's just been laughing like it's a joke, now he's lit your stove on fire and you're scared you're both going to die. 

"Holy fuckin' shit Jake! Stop you're going to get us both killed," you make a motion to turn off the stove and to pull him back "Also if I burn this place down I might not get to stay once they fix it up." 

"Well you get a whole mess of noise complaints," is he really flirting after almost burning your house down? "If the land lord had wanted to kick you out he would have already." He makes a valid point, but you'd rather not risk it. 

"What the hell were you even trying to do?" he's looking at you as if you're the one who told him to do this, as if he expects you to know what's going on.

"You honestly don't know? I'd thought you were just joking about it all week," as you shake your head he launches into a history lesson (although you do love history you prefer to read about it) "Well on November fifth sixteen o'three King James the first took the throne in England. An avid Protestant, he began persecuting Catholics, going as far as forbidding them from practicing their religion, and punishing those who didn't convert to the Protestant church. So then this group of Catholics called The Gunpowder Conspirators took action against the king! They plotted to blow up the British Houses of Parliament. They were gonna do it when the king and his supporters were in the buildings too. It probably would have killed them. It was found out today in sixteen o'three. Thirty six barrels of gunpowder were found in the basement of Parliament. Thirty six, Dirk! Guy Fawkes, their leader, was arrested and tortured until he confessed. He was arrested just as he was about to ignite the gunpowder, so the British celebrate by lighting bonfires and fireworks."

"Anything else I should know?" this kid never shuts up.

"It's also nicknamed 'Gunpowder day'. And people don't know whether people celebrate because Guy Fawkes failed, or because he tried."

"Thank you for the history lesson Jake."

"Your welcome." ahh you've forgotten that he can't understand sarcasm.

"Jake you aren't British why are you so amped for this?"

"Well my," he mutters behind his hand "adoptive," then stands up straight "Grandmother was British so I just figured I should celebrate for her." You've never known why, but Jade was raised by their biological grandfather, while Jake was raised by some women who may or may not have been related to him and her dog. You don't even know what happened to their parents, you're going with dead though. "Since she's dead and all." HE DID NOT JUST GUILT TRIP YOU OVER HIS ADOPTIVE GRANDMA DYING WHEN HE WAS A CHILD. 

"She died a long time ago Jake. You could take care of yourself even. She wouldn't want this, in fact I can hear her from beyond the grave," you put on a ghostly British accent "Jaaaakkkke don't set your awesome boyfriends house on fire," and then promptly return to normal "Don't disappoint your grandma Jake."

"Grandma was fully okay with me lighting fires." this smug sonnafa bitch.

"Well your boyfriend isn't." you're standing your ground on this you're not letting this little marshmallow hurt himself.

"Please a small one? One burner?" he's legitimate pleading now and it's stupid "I'll do _anything_ Dirk." he's made the worst decision in his life after dating you.

"Anything?"

"Yes Dirk, _anything_ at all."

"Fine. You can light on burner for whatever thing it is you want to do and then tomorrow we'll do this 'anything' you speak of."

"How about we get you another noise complaint?" god you hate his charming smirk "Maybe several?" he's tracing circles on your arm. He looks up at you "That sound like anything you'd like to do?" 

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

"Why? I wanna now." god he's whiny.

"It's a holiday Jake. You can't fuck people on holidays, it's shameful." 

"Not to you it's not." 

"Yes but if you truly wish to celebrate this holiday, you'd feel shame," you lean down and kiss him on the nose "And if you truly wish to do 'anything' for me you'd not commit arson. Even if it's an accident." 

After a slight pause for the universe to accept how cute that was Jake pipes up "So...we're not going to fuck today?" Goddammit you were having a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your all gonna hate the way write these two dorks. And I'm sorry. Also the places the alpha and beta kids were raised haven't changed at all. So Dirks still from Texas, and Jake's still from some random ass island. I'd love to do like a whole other thing for reference to all my human-stuck headcanons, so if anyone wants that just ask for it and you shall receive. Maybe like really broad statements though, so like three asks a chapter. (like 12% sure someone wants this)


	5. Jade takes a hike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Jade Harley and today you're going on a hike!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alt title: Actual dog Jade Harley

Your name is Jade Harley and today you're going on a hike! Although that may be difficult as your college is in a pretty large city, but you will find a way! You've been scouting out a place for a few days now, and you've only found one: the forest a bit away. The only problem is that someone would have to drive you as it's too far to walk to and you don't have any money for bus fare. You could always ask your dorm-mate to drive you of course but apparently she's got plans today and you don't want to impose. So there's only one option left: calling Jake, which is always a pain. You love your older brother of course, and you do enjoy talking to him it's just sometimes....he's a bit....busy with Dirk. If he's out with Dirk on a date or something then he can't drive you to the park, and even if he's not on a date he'll have to take Dirk as Dirk's the one who really _owns_ the car. That car is Dirk's baby, he even rebuilt most of it himself! He doesn't trust anyone with that car not even the love of his life, but it's worth a shot anyway.

"'ello? Jake English speaking."

"Jake you know it's me and I know it's you. I need a favor."

"Of course little sis! What do ya need?"

"I need you to drive me to the forest. It's called....the Hixon park I think?"

"Let me ask Dirk real fast," there's a pause and you can vaguely here Jake whining something you're not sure what though "He says that as long as I pack us a picnic he'll drive us."

"Great! I don't have enough for bus fare so you'll have to pick me up here okay?"

"Of course! We'll be there when I've made the picnic basket." It should only take Jake few minutes to make the picnic basket and get here so you've got to get ready fast. You pull on some cargo pants, a tee, and some nice boots. You're tying your hair into a ponytail when you hear a knock on the door, must be Jake. 

"Jake! How are..."

"I'm not your brother, but I wwas wwonderin' do you knoww wwhere Fef is?" oh it's just Feferi's friend, Eridan.

"No I don't sorry, but she told me she had plans today though so she might just be busy?"

"Oh thanks. I'll try somewwhere else, see-ya." and with that he turns and bumps into Jake. "Oh! Excuse me." 

"No problem bloke!" wow Jake seems to get along with everyone huh? Even grumpy Eridan. "So sissy! How are you? And why do you want to go to this Hixon park?"

"I'm doing pretty good, and I want to go take a hike! Did you know it's national take a hike day? because it is! I have to take a hike today."

"And you can't get there yourself?"

"Jake. I don't have a car. Nor do I have any money. Of course I need help getting there."

"No need to be rude Jade. I'll take you there but Dirk wants to drive. Is that okay?" it's almost as if you can't say no. Oh wait

"Oh course it is Jake. I'll just sit in the back. Did you pack me a sandwich?"

"What kind of brother would I be if I didn't? It's bacon and peanut butter. I hope you're happy by the way, Dirk has never been more disgusted with me before." You feel like that's a lie almost.

"Yes I am happy with it as peanut butter and bacon sandwiches are _delicious_ " you grab his harm and tug him toward the door "Now lets go!"

* * *

It takes a while but you eventually get to Hixon park, Dirk's already complaining somehow when you get there.

"Really Jake we can't have one normal date? It's always something. 'I wanna do something illegal Dirk' 'you know what'd be cool Dirk?' 'We have to take my little sister to the park Dirk, it'll be fun _Dirk_.' well I better have fun."

"Or what? You'll take even longer to get ready than you already do?" that's kinda funny, Dirk has become infamous for being late to things because he spent hours on his hair.

"No......No dejaré que me folles por un mes." you don't speak Spanish, outside of the basics, but you assume Dirk said something along the lines of threatening to burn all of Jake's movies.

"You wouldn't dare." you didn't know that your brother spoke Spanish but you guess he learned it from Dirk.

"Estás seguro? La última vez que revisé, estaba a cargo de las fechas de los próximos meses." this is getting ridiculous.

"Okay so while as much as I love listening to you speak a language I don't know, I really wanna go on this hike and you'll have fun Dirk! You'll see a lot of birds and nature stuff!" you're not even sure if Dirk likes birds as much as Dave, you just assumed he did.

"Fine, but your sister better be right Jake for your own sake."

"And his movies right?" They both stare at you for a second. "What? that's what you said right?"

"Yeah of course....that's what I said." you get the feeling he's lying. "Let's just go on this dumb hike."

* * *

As you start hiking through the woods, the speckled light from the trees dots a faint trail one not walked in a while. No one's here today. You get the feeling that no one has been here for a while now. It's peaceful and sweet. The air smells clean and the birds are singing happily. Dirk who apparently likes birds, has been pointing out what they are, and screaming every-time something moves like a nerd. It's been a while since you've been hiking with Jake, you miss doing this when you were little. You used to play in the forests near your house all the time! Then you both had too much to do, you had school and your friends. Jake had school, movies, and his friends. You're happy you're getting the chance to do this again. The picnic is lovely, although both of them seemed totally grossed out by your sandwich, but if they're going to be all touchy feely about eachother than they can go take a hike. Heh Heh you're hilarious. But really they are all over eachother! Gross, though you're sure that both of them had a good time so Jake's movies should be fine. After you're all done eating lunch you spend a few more hours walking in the woods, it's peaceful. Dirk shuts up when a bird lands on his shoulder, it's an orange bishop and it's magical to him, so you guess he does like birds as much as Dave. All in all it was a good day. You're happy you got to spend some time with your brother, and even take a walk! You gotta wonder though...why did Eridan need Feferi?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Jade. I also wanna know if anyone wants like a list off my headcanons for this as they may matter more for this series. If you have any questions hit me up on tumblr https://imsocialshit.tumblr.com/ <== that's me  
> Also I'm not a native Spanish speaker, nor do I speak a lot of it, so if you notice anything weird with it please correct me thank you

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy tell me of you have any suggestions! Comments are always appreciated!


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